Wednesday, 16 May 2018

Sorting My Sh*t Out


The irony of this post is that this came to me when I was sitting in the bath after half a bottle of wine. 
I felt energised, invigorated and raring to go. I pulled myself out of the bath, toddler over to my desk and sat furiously writing in my notebook until I got distracted by netflix and chips - getting my shit together. 
I woke up this morning, aghast at how messily my writing was and very nearly didn’t post this; but it’s a reflection of me, an extension of me, and drunk me had a LOT to say on this subject. So drunk Francesca, take it away: 


My life isn’t insta worthy, I don’t have abs of steel or a bum you can rest a drink on. I have a slightly podgy stomach, my makeup is half arsed at best during the week, and I swear enough to make even a sailor blush. 
I flake on gym trips, I would rather binge watch Netflix instead of socialise 80% of the time and my fridge isn’t filled with the content of Whole Foods. 
But I’m okay with the above. I’m fine with the above, because I am a human being and not a machine. Saying that, I do have some things I would like to change to become a happier and healthier person, both mentally and physically. It's Mental Health Awareness Week within the UK at the minute, and I have no shame in saying that I, in the past, have struggled with my mental health. A string of events when I was younger turned me in to an anxious and scared individual, that couldn't deal with their grief so turned to self harm and destructive thoughts to cope. This wasn't coping, this was building walls. Thankfully I got help, and whilst I still can become incredibly anxious and feel intrusive thoughts, I haven't acted on those thoughts in years, and that in itself is a mini victory for me.

Get back to the gym.
 I purchased the GF8WG months ago, half arsed attempted it and stopped when a man watched me in the weights area. I miss that little endorphin rush and fist pump when I hit a PB, and I’m gradually easing myself back in to exercising. Not only am I getting back to the gym, I'm also getting back to , shock horror, running. I signed up to a 10K for charity in July, and I'm taking my running schedule very seriously (I say whilst popping a Pringle in my mouth). I have downloaded a nifty app to keep me on schedule, and I am mixing both the GF8WG app with my running one to develop an all round approach to fitness over the coming months.
 
Find the positives in the day to day. 
Now I wouldn’t say I abuse my body, but I can become super lazy with simple tasks, especially on the work run. As I mentioned above, I have dealt in the past with anxiety, which rears it's head in regards to sitting in front of my mirror analysing myself before coming up with a list of things wrong with myself. 
I am slowly rewiring this outlook, and I am going to bed with a writing journal to write down things I am thankful for today, instead of looking for things to be sad about. 
I am so, so blessed to have a fantastic friend who I can ring morning or night, weekday or weekend, and I know she will be there for me. Not only will she be there for me, she will make time for me and not make me feel like my worries are stupid or blown out of proportion. She sits, she listens, she makes the odd comment, but she lets me vent and I honestly feel like she is my lifeline when I am stressed. Not only that, but she puts up with my drunk texts and doesn't chastise me for them the next morning - what a gem.  
 
Sort the shit out of my eating. 
Last week I had a McDonald’s for lunch and breakfast twice. Not only did I not enjoy it after, but the money I’ve been haemorrhaging recently makes for uneasy reading for my financial advisor. I was in a solid routine for months, and I lost it recently, picking easy food in the work canteen for breakfast and picking up pizzas for dinner. I have severe iron deficiencies, and when I stop eating correctly, I end up falling asleep as soon as I get home or looking so pale I go an off grey shade.
 Needless to say, pizzas and McDonald’s aren’t packing the iron that I’m lacking , and I need to pick up where I left off with my high iron diet.  
 
Learn to say no. 
I’m one of those people that will say yes to something they’d really rather not, for fear of offending someone. Random donation bag going round the office? I’ll contribute, no matter what the cause. 
Charity workers knocking on my door Saturday morning at 8:30am, I'll stand and listen, whilst thinking longingly about my bed. I am tired of being the Yes Man, and I am starting to become the "do I need to do this?" Man instead. I bought " The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving A Fuck" a while ago, and I am intending to apply this to more situations moving forward. 
 
 
And there we have it, drunk me putting the world to rights - lets just be glad I didn't try to take any photos after this. 
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