Tuesday, 13 February 2018

2018 : The year of being broken but fabulous


Now, you may read the title of this post and laugh out loud - I did when I drafted it. I was trying to think of poetic and graceful ways to explain my current situation, but then I would only be lying to myself. 
I spend so long trying to adjust my frame for photos so that no one can see the real me; I don't mean giving myself a bigger appearing bum, or sucking in enough to feel like I'm going to pass out, but by twisting my body in such a way that I can hide my scoliosis. It wasn't until recently that I realised I was doing it, and I laughed out loud at myself in the gym changing room, watching as I managed to get myself looking (mostly) straight. 
When I was younger after my accident, I had an encounter in a changing room where I had to get my cousins husband to come in and confirm to me that he couldn't "see my hip" in the shirt I liked. He swore blind he couldn't, but a part of me niggled away, telling myself that he was lying to make me feel better. 
We have become so fixated by the 'perfect body' through the use of social media that it is getting to the point where there are apps for everything - want clearer skin in an image? You can have it. Want to have an hourglass shape? Sure, however be careful not to have a Photoshop fail. 
So, 2018 is going to be a new start. Not a quest for a bigger bum, or a flatter stomach or slimmer thighs, but a quest for being broken but fabulous. 
Our bodies are diverese, and they are strong and they are capable. We are so lucky to have bodies that can work, but we don't appreciate them for what they are until we lose it. We become so fixated on what we want to become next, that we don't look at what we are doing now. 
There is more to life than slogging away for several hours in the gym, before taking enough selfies to clog up the memory on your phone. There is also a lot more to life than scrutinising the images to death - you could probably find faults with the Mona Lisa if you looked for long enough. But do people do that? No, they stand in front of that painting and "damn, what a banging painting - look at that painting". 
Tonight, instead of being at the gym exercising on a niggling injury, I am sat in my fluffy pyjamas binge watching Luther whilst cooking up my dinner (the only healthy part of which is the broccoli), before sliding in to bed to continue on the marathon with some chocolate. It's time we stopped seeing ourselves as machines pushing for the next physical upgrade, and start enjoying what we already have.
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